We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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