Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
