Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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