I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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