My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
