Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
