If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
