Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
