My hand turned me down
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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