Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
