Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
