The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
