hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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