You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
