i just google imaged poop.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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