For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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