he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
