What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
