I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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