I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
