genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
