I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Are my feet made of real feet?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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