You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
