The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
