I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
