before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
