I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
