the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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