Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then my night got REAL pukey
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
