I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
