just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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