I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
