Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
