She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
