can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
