I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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