I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize