so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
