She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
