BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
