I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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