I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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