The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
