woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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