im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
