i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
