Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
