i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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