I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
