OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
