apparently the secret to your success is patron
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
