There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize