I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
