from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
