I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
