Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize