Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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