If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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