I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
