i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's never too late to be topless.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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