if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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