dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
