Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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