How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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