are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
