Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
