Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
