Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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